Saving Grace
It's been a stressful few weeks and I know I haven't blogged in months. Most of my personal blogs about myself is usually uploaded somewhere else and that blog is not working at the moment so here I am sharing with you all the joys of my life on here.
Though it does involve my son in so many ways. It doesn't also.
A few months ago I sold my car on craigslist. This girl was interested and she seemed like she really needed the car, so I chose her. I didn't have the title on hand and wanted it get it to her once I got it in the mail. Three months later and a few phone calls and emails later, I finally give it to her today.
So she looks at my address and sees that I live on Hawthorne. She mentions that she used to live on Hawthorne also with her fiance. We start talking and long and behold, it's my son's biological father. As the conversation unravels, she tells me heart-wrenching and sad stories of her experience with this man.
First and foremost, she didn't even know about my son. Which I know that this child is not of his but of God. And my son will always be protected by him.
She was fed the same lies and false promises that I was also. She told me that he wanted a family and that he wanted to marry her. She tells me that they were together for a year which felt like 10 years. She tells me about the abuse and the dog attacks that she endured. She tells me that he told her about how he abused all these other women and women who knew women who fell victim of his abuse. This man is sickly dangerous and mentally ill. His targeted woman: someone who has no family near her to help protect her, women who live by themselves and where he can isolate them even more.
I gave her a few hugs in between our conversation and told her that I am so glad that she is not with him anymore. She also states that she just saw him last night for his birthday and he was talking about how he had court on Monday but was unsure of what it was all about. I give her the details about why he's going to court because I too will be there.
Along with that, she then found someone right after him who also abuses her and now she is in the process of getting surgery because of his abuse to her.
I then reach out to her offering any sort of hand that she may need in the future as her family is far and her good friends are few. I knew that she could be someone who I could plant a seed within. I am returning the rest of the money she had given to me today because I never needed it. I always wanted to give her the title to the car. Her explanation as to how she was able to afford the car was enough for me to know that this woman truly needed it more than I.
All this to say, by His grace and His mercy, I didn't have to endure the physical abuse that most of those other women did. God was with me each and every time that I was disobedient. God covered me with his mercy and love. God showed me that without Him, I could've been one of those girls who went to the emergency room, who had a knife to their backs, who was pinned down and had a dog attack, who had a bloody face, who had a broken back or was struck with fear. I may had endured my fair share of his other abuse. I know that if I knew that this man was so capable of this violence that I would've ran the opposite direction so fast and never would've turned back!
Meeting this woman again today validated why I kept my son away all these years and have made sure that this man's generational curses no longer lies in my son's blood. That he no longer exists in our lives.
My heart is content. I am no longer angry at anything of the past and am looking to the future of where my son and I will go. I am thankful for God and His grace, mercy and forgiveness that He continues to show me as I go through my trials and tribulations. That He comes into my dreams to show me the greatness of who He is. I am truly thankful to know such an awesome man who I am proud to say is my Father, my son's Father and the Father to each and everyone of his children.
Though it does involve my son in so many ways. It doesn't also.
A few months ago I sold my car on craigslist. This girl was interested and she seemed like she really needed the car, so I chose her. I didn't have the title on hand and wanted it get it to her once I got it in the mail. Three months later and a few phone calls and emails later, I finally give it to her today.
So she looks at my address and sees that I live on Hawthorne. She mentions that she used to live on Hawthorne also with her fiance. We start talking and long and behold, it's my son's biological father. As the conversation unravels, she tells me heart-wrenching and sad stories of her experience with this man.
First and foremost, she didn't even know about my son. Which I know that this child is not of his but of God. And my son will always be protected by him.
She was fed the same lies and false promises that I was also. She told me that he wanted a family and that he wanted to marry her. She tells me that they were together for a year which felt like 10 years. She tells me about the abuse and the dog attacks that she endured. She tells me that he told her about how he abused all these other women and women who knew women who fell victim of his abuse. This man is sickly dangerous and mentally ill. His targeted woman: someone who has no family near her to help protect her, women who live by themselves and where he can isolate them even more.
I gave her a few hugs in between our conversation and told her that I am so glad that she is not with him anymore. She also states that she just saw him last night for his birthday and he was talking about how he had court on Monday but was unsure of what it was all about. I give her the details about why he's going to court because I too will be there.
Along with that, she then found someone right after him who also abuses her and now she is in the process of getting surgery because of his abuse to her.
I then reach out to her offering any sort of hand that she may need in the future as her family is far and her good friends are few. I knew that she could be someone who I could plant a seed within. I am returning the rest of the money she had given to me today because I never needed it. I always wanted to give her the title to the car. Her explanation as to how she was able to afford the car was enough for me to know that this woman truly needed it more than I.
All this to say, by His grace and His mercy, I didn't have to endure the physical abuse that most of those other women did. God was with me each and every time that I was disobedient. God covered me with his mercy and love. God showed me that without Him, I could've been one of those girls who went to the emergency room, who had a knife to their backs, who was pinned down and had a dog attack, who had a bloody face, who had a broken back or was struck with fear. I may had endured my fair share of his other abuse. I know that if I knew that this man was so capable of this violence that I would've ran the opposite direction so fast and never would've turned back!
Meeting this woman again today validated why I kept my son away all these years and have made sure that this man's generational curses no longer lies in my son's blood. That he no longer exists in our lives.
My heart is content. I am no longer angry at anything of the past and am looking to the future of where my son and I will go. I am thankful for God and His grace, mercy and forgiveness that He continues to show me as I go through my trials and tribulations. That He comes into my dreams to show me the greatness of who He is. I am truly thankful to know such an awesome man who I am proud to say is my Father, my son's Father and the Father to each and everyone of his children.
posted by Mommy at
11:39 PM
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